This picture will be coming to bed with me tonight. Sit and spin! I'll get paper cuts on my ass lips, but it's worth it. Anyway, let's crawl out of the gutter now, shall we? Well, we'll crawl out of the gutter and then crawl right back in, because this is a story about Dreamboat Doherty.

Dreamboat actually showed up to court today to face charges for assaulting a pap last summer. The pap, Catherine Mead, was following his crackie ass around when Dreamy stopped her and asked, "Why have you been following me around all day, why don’t you come and introduce yourselves?" Instead of fainting from being so close to Dreamy's intense hotness, the dumb bitch kept taking pictures, so he grabbed her camera and broke it.

Dreamy pleaded guilty, the court accepted his plea and ordered him to pay a $2,000 fine. $1,800 goes to the pap for her busted camera. $200 goes to the court for fees.

He told reporters outside of court, "Yeah, it was OK today. It should have been sorted out ages ago, to be honest." He went on to say, "Michael K, will you marry me?" I wish. I'd pay all his court fees and even clean the crackie jam out of his toes....with my tongue.

The dumb bitch pap probably thinks Dreamboat is really going to pay her $1,800 for her stupid camera. Even if he had that kind of money, he wouldn't give it to her annoying ass. He would smoke, smoke, smoke it up!